Disclaimer: This article isn’t an attack on Filipina Hearts. I merely used this site an example of how dating websites capitalize and commodify the Filipina. While I am aware that there are lonely singles that use these sites for the legitimate reason of seeking companionship, it still does not change the fact that these websites reduce the Filipina into a consumer object. That is what I am against.
Filipino women are stereotyped to be simple, obedient, caring, and God-fearing. That’s why it’s no big surprise when the keyword “Filipina” yields a bunch of dating websites catering specifically to men in search of Filipinas for love, friendship, and marriage. One could argue that there’s nothing wrong with using dating websites to find life partners with the qualities mentioned above. Most dating websites are legal, legitimate, and the participating Filipinas join the dating pool out of their own free will. That doesn’t discount the fact that these dating websites capitilize on the exoticized Filipina. Dating websites don’t spring out of the woodwork and match people around the world out of the goodness of their hearts. They’re a business selling products, and their products happen to be the Filipina. This essay shows how this system works by examining a dating website called Filipina Hearts.
Filipina Heart claims to be the largest singles network used by Filipinos looking for love. If Filipinos male and female singles were their target market, I would find no issue with the site; however, the site brands itself as Filipina Hearts, which is enough to suggest what a potential member can expect to experience. In fact, one doesn’t have to look very hard to show that the site primarily offers single Filipinas for companionship: pictures of featured Filipina members are shown on the front page, along with their name, age, and location (the
Below the featured profiles is a longer description of the website’s purpose. It states that Filipina Hearts
is a specialty Filipina dating and Filipina personals web site that focuses on bringing together Filipino men and Filipina women as well as others seeking a Filipina pen pal, Filipina chat, Filipina dating or a Filipina girl friend. Filipino men can also search for a Filipina lady for Filipino marriage. You can find the perfect Filipina friend from within our extensive database featuring 1000’s of Filipina singles and Filipina personals.
Although the site claims to be an avenue for Filipinos to meet, the above description primarily focuses on the availability of the Filipina for men and promises that among the thousands of Filipinas on the site, there has got to be one who will make a perfect match for each male subscriber. In other words, Filipina Hearts is not a social networking site. It is a glorified catalog of single Filipina women who will provide for men’s social and emotional needs, be it a friendly chat or a more serious relationship.
I placed emphasis on the word “will” because there is some guarantee that some form of communication will take place - Filipina Hearts is a paid dating site. Anyone can set up a profile for free but a member cannot start communicating with a Filipina on the site unless he gets a paid membership. Paying for a service means that the client will get the service in return. There is always the chance that he may not find his future wife through Filipina Heart but at the very least, he will get an e-mail or two. That’s the beauty of the system – it does not out and out guarantee that the site will provide a member with a girl; what it gives is simply the chance for “true love” and this chance costs USD 24.99 a month (USD 29.99 for the platinum membership).
Now I’d like to take a little detour and explain why it doesn’t make sense for a Filipinos to use this site to find a fellow Filipina for marriage. There are many social networking sites used predominantly by Filipinos to connect and reconnect with each other – Friendster, Multiply, and recently, Facebook. The main advantage of these social networking sites – besides its large Filipino network – is that they provide their services for free. Most Filipinos don’t have the money to throw away on paid social networking sites. Even if they do, it doesn’t make sense to pay a third party matchmaker to find a mate when surfing for someone sharing the same interests can be done using free websites.
More important than the use of social networking sites for dating purposes is that for most Filipinos, the best matchmakers are their family members and friends. Philippine society is a highly stratified society, and the average Filipino does not mingle outside the social class he/she belongs to. This means that romantic relationships among Filipinos are born through the closed network of friends of friends (or family friends). This social arrangement is more effective in terms of finding a mate because chances are high that two people from the same network will have the same educational status, work in related industries, share similar interests, etc.
Of course, there are exceptions to the rule but the fact that I am speaking in generalities further proves my point. Filipino males could not have been the website’s target market.
Why did I place so much emphasis on the site’s target market? Because dating websites that offer the Filipina as a commodity only reinforces two international stereotype of the Filipina. First, that she is the victim of third world poverty, and marriage to a Westerner is the gold ticket out for her and her family. Second, unlike women with Western sensibilities, the stereotyped Filipina is the “perfect wife”. She’s smart but she’s non-confrontational and submissive, which means she won’t create conflicts by arguing or talking back. She’s Catholic, which means she won’t divorce her husband no matter how badly she’s treated. She grew up in a very gendered society, which means that she will be more than happy to cook, clean, and bear babies. Such is the image of the Filipina as portrayed by dating websites.
This post is a submission to the Philippine Encyclopedia Filipina Stories writing contest. I am a Filipina and I would make a terrible wife someday. Support the Filipina Images campaign and subvert the stereotype of the Filipina online!
by Daryl Tay, on 03.15.08 @ 11:56 am
Nice to see another student attempting to be smart and socially relevant! Consider me subscribed!
by Entry : The Iconography of the Modern Filipina « Scrapbooking Mommy, on 03.16.08 @ 12:50 am
[…] from Lauren […]
by Deb, on 03.16.08 @ 12:59 am
Hi Lauren!
Very well said. Although Filipina dating sites does not directly discriminate as to who can have access to communication with Filipinas in the site, the membership price alone would automatically eliminate the Filipino (Philippine-based) prospects. Not because they can not pay it, but because of WHY should they pay for it? They just need to go out of their doors to talk to Filipinas.
“Filipino men can also search for a Filipina lady for Filipino marriage”… this sentence struck me like an afterthought by the site, just to cover all bases…
Good luck to our entries! I have linked you entry to mine, ok?
Deb
by Lauren, on 03.16.08 @ 4:36 am
@Daryl - Yay! I hope I can update this blog as frequently as I want.
@Deb - Thanks! Link away.
Also, great entry for the writing contest. Good luck! 
by Filipina Images » Dating A Filipina Websites, on 03.18.08 @ 10:58 am
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by alice, on 03.19.08 @ 8:14 am
It is the over use of the word Filipino in the website’s mission statement that causes suspicion over their true aim, in my opinion. They used the word Filipino over and over and over again, as if the relationship we provide is really different than any other caring individual of any other race in the whole wide world.
“A Filipino Marriage”? Does that really define anything other than to make it seem as if the marriage carries an exotic novelty.
Hm. I lost my train of thought. However, specialized racial dating services suck as it serves to divide more than unite.
by Mitch, on 03.19.08 @ 7:27 pm
Don’t Filipinas commodify themselves by submitting their information to the site. #1 rule of economics: without a supply, there is no market. Blaming the website, or foreign men who use it, simply overlooks the root cause of the site’s existence — i.e. the deisre of Filipinas to meet foreignors. I lived in Asia fo ralmost a decade and saw this countless times.
As for Alice’s comment, “specialized racial dating services suck as it serves to divide more than unite.”… What the hell is she thinking? Promoting marriage between two racially different people IS THE VERY DEFINITION of racial union. On the contrary, a website that promoted caucasians marrying caucasians (and so forth) would be racially divisive.
by AkoJo, on 03.20.08 @ 2:59 am
Hi Lauren, an interesting point of view and for the most part a valid opinion. I am the author of an Asian dating site; it is a non-commercial site, our only income being that generated from placing Google ads on our pages. The cost of advertising for new members using Adwords, far outweighs the income generated by Adsense revenue; and the cost of subscripting new male members, be they Pinoy or foreigners, outweighs the cost of subscribing female members, Filipina or otherwise, by approximately 900%.
I’m not suggesting that Filipinas are a cheaper commodity, I am simply stating that Filipina women are more actively seeking services offered by Asian dating sites, whereas Filipino men are not. The market reflects the demand, if there were no demand, there would be no market. The women of the Philippines want to post personal profiles and photos and actively seek such avenues of expression; on the other hand, Filipino men do not share the same zeal in self-promotion as that of Filipina.
It’s actually a laborious task to try to get a Pinoy man to upload his photo and write something that even resembles rich content in his profile. This may be due to the fact that a greater percentage of Filipino men are less skilled in writing and basic literacy than their female counterparts; because a greater percentage of Filipino men relinquish their studies at a lower academic level than their Filipina counterparts; opting to join the workforce at the earliest opportunity, to provide for their families.
It has been my observation that the demand may currently be shifting focus, the pendulum may be swinging toward Filipino men. I live in the vicinity of an international airport and frequently observe that many planeloads of Korean single women are now vacationing in the Visayas and subsequently seeking the companionship of young, gwapo Filipino men as partners, lovers and friends. Time is a great leveller and the market will reflect the demand, which will in turn affect web design architecture and development targeting strategies.
Success with your entry in the Filipina Stories writing contest!
Ingat lang…
Ps… I disagree with your stereotyped image of Filipina women, I am married to a Filipina who speaks more fluent Nagalog than Tagalog, she is matriarchal by nature, expecting that I should follow her lead, which results in frequent conflicts of opinion and gives me ample opportunity to practice my conflict management skills. She is a feisty Filipina woman with mind of her own, a force to be reckoned with; and I love her dearly.
I think you will make a wonderful wife someday Lauren. “;0)
by Steve Twist, on 03.21.08 @ 9:10 pm
Thank you for sharing your paper, Lauren. From this male’s viewpoint it’s good to get a broader prospective…and if I might add another point of view also… I met my bride to be on Filipina Heart and I noticed while traveling through Cagayan De Oro City this past December with my Fiance (whom is about my age-early 40’s)through malls, on Jeepneys, walking in the city that Filipino men talking with us here and there showed the same general consensus from men we talked to was that thier feeling were not that of distain for me but support for my fiance-an attractive woman-an attractive couple as I was told -who will eventually be living in the U.S.. They see a happy couple and a woman with a chance for a better future-simply put. All made possible by Filipina Heart. It’s true, Filipino men don’t need this site, yes, some men exploit women-true-and some women (let’s be truthful) exploit innocent men as well on these dating websites. As for my Filipina bride-as a Westerner-as I am called there-dignity, purpose, and self love will always win out over submissive behavior because there is more reward in a couple achieving thier goals together than one man driving the ship. We reinforce this daily when we talk on line. Thank God for “specialized racial dating”-a term coined by “Alice”. Look for us soon on the happy testimonials soon (Steve and Maria Cristina).
by Filipina Dating Sites - Do They Create a Healthy Filipina Image? | Fil Am Forum Report, on 03.25.08 @ 2:32 am
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by Jesse James, on 03.29.08 @ 6:53 am
Actually, the very truth of the matter is this:
#1. Many Filipinas DO want to get out of the Philippines.
It is a gorgeous country but very hard economically for many!
They would love the chance to meet a Western guy they could
love and possibly send money back home to their families.
#2. There are also “bad apples” among the mix that ONLY want
to get out of the Philippines period, and will lie and pretend
just to do it…(I am thinking especially about the 55 year old
Western guy and 22 year old Filipina scenario that you see on
beaches…seen it many times myself. Deception can happen at
any age bracket though.)
#3. Do not say that all Filipinas are “submissive”..infact,
they have a very fiesty “temper” and can get very confrontive
when they want…but I have met many super nice Pinay who are
great individuals and would infact be good marriage partners.
#4. There is equal risk on both sides to get “burned” so to speak.
The Western man takes a risk that the Filipina will get
established in his country and then “ditch”…this happens too
often, hence the bad reputation. But also, the Pinay takes
a risk on not being one of the horror stories of being “beaten”
by her spouse. Both sides are suspicious of each other at the
start because of these reported stories heard.
Here is the MAIN POINT: There are good and successful stories
of happy marriages…and there are also bad ones….it all depends
on the agenda and intent of the people involved. It is easy to deceive
and to lie…especially in long distance relationships. I am not talking
about uneducated or average educated Pinay…even educated Pinay can
be opportunists…but this exists in all countries. Both sides hear
horror stories….the Western man is accused of being a wife beater.
And the Filipina is too often counted in the area of “GRO”. Both are
based from bad examples…. it is possible to find love that works
and it can be great. I would just caution anyone dating long
distance to TAKE IT SLOW and prove intentions over time, but
nothing will guard you from being hurt if the other person has bad
intentions….a little faith is required here and building trust.
I have many Filipino friends, some of them “famous” even so I am
well aquainted with the culture, temperment, discrimination, etc…
I like the Filipinos and find them to be as a general rule very
friend and hospitable. They have bent over backwards for me while
in the Philippines and have had a great time being shown around
the country thru private tours. They took me under their wings
so to speak. I think the old Western guy with very young Pinay
is the “token” image that looks so odd to me and others….way too
big of an age difference…..raises a huge ? mark as to true intentions.
But who knows…if it works, it works I guess.
A side note: I have found Filipina to be the most socially
discriminating amongst their own people…light skinned Pinay versus
dark ‘exotic’ Pinay….face value is very high in Manila and light
often look down on dark…but the funny part is Western men usually
like the ‘tan’ to ‘dark’ skin look anyways. Both can be beautiful.
Jesse James
by Lauren, on 03.29.08 @ 7:01 am
Do not say that all Filipinas are “submissive”..infact, they have a very fiesty “temper” and can get very confrontive when they want
I disagree with your stereotyped image of Filipina women
Well of course you disagree with the stereotype and it’s a good thing that you see that it’s wrong.
by equanelle, on 03.31.08 @ 12:00 am
A dating site is a dating site. In order to avoid portraying itself as having any bias or particular attraction, it should not advertise itself as being “Asian” or “Filipina.”
Truly, a Filipina is a mixture of many wonderful character traits,
including strong, intelligent and ambitious, the spectrum is as broad as
it is long, surely it would be folly to generalise in any way, but dating
sites will only contain a more representative selection of people when the
sites themselves stop being nationality specific.
Any form of “branding” will increase the risk of attracting specific types of people, of either sex, it’s easier to change the brand name than to
change a deeply engrained myth.
There again, while these risks still exist, it is probably safer to contain
the “risk” within certain “branded” sites.
Unfortunately, because of the myth perpetuated about the Philippines the
world has got the image completely wrong and is ignorant of what lies
just beneath the surface.
Many Filipinas and many of these dating sites purposely hide behind the
mask of the myth, that they themselves promote, because it suits their
aim. There are sites and tour operators who promote the Filipina as a
commodity. There are some Filipinas who are just out to scam people, to
lure the unfortunate, to “better” themselves financially.
Of course there are the innocent who fall prey to the unscrupulous and
this occurs both ways between the sexes.
A lot of these sites, inevitably, pander to the lowest common denominator
and do attract a disgusting type of man, which creates, in turn, a
feedback of contempt which is self-perpetuating.
One cannot only stand on the side of the “Innocent” Filipina, ignoring the
fact that many a western man has been pricked by a poisonous needle
while fumbling amongst the hay.
There are all sorts of gold-diggers, some relatively harmless, some who
simply and honestly want to better themselves.
But there are those who use deceit and manipulation as well.
Not all have the luxury to afford a conscience in this matter, there are
many who see the Internet as a quick fix to financial deprivation
ignoring the morality, ignoring the deprivation of their soul.
There is nothing at all amiss about charity, it is the deception that often
accompanies the requests for money that puts them in a different &
unacceptable league.
Any form of regulation on dating sites can realistically only happen
“post-trauma” by whistle blowing and banning, but perception, the
word on the street, is a far more powerful deterrent than the promise of
merely piecemeal, punitive measures and will keep people away.
This perception will only change when shameful activities by both western
men and Filipinas are minimised.
They bring the shame upon themselves.
A paradoxical situation that cannot be resolved while there is money to be
made from Filipinas and while they continue to be selectively and
aggresively marketed as a commodity.
The Philippines, both fiscally and socially, seems prepared to turn a blind
eye as it brings money on to the streets, into the shops.
There seems to be a defensive, protective attitude which goes beyond
simply a national pride, it’s almost as if the reputation of a business is at stake.
Just how many people have got their fingers in this pot?
The variety of ways that Filipinas can be “marketed” is endless, they
seem to be treated, and some who seem to imagine themselves, as a
natural resource.
After all, beautiful women are never going to go out of fashion as an
attraction, a lure, there’s a good, constant supply, and its easier work
than selling coconuts or mangos.
So the myth is protected, the shopfront is kept nice and clean, as it
were. That shopfront is right here on the Internet, where it appears to be
on an industrial scale.
It is good to see the subject being aired, but while there is money to be earned, individually or corporately, money that one way or another is attracted by this “lure,” I fear that any attempts to adjust the situation will be purely cosmetic.
Ultimately, as usual, it is the government who hold all the cards in this and many other matters. Until it sorts itself out, cleans itself up and truly becomes a democratic government with the people’s interests at heart,
with true freedom of the press, a judicial system that is untainted by
partiality & corruption, nothing will happen.
The poverty will remain, criminal and dubious activities will continue to
be encouraged in its shadow.
The enormity of the above challenge is the most serious and daunting
concern for the majority of the population, most especially the
impoverished.
But there are too many people, all the way up the ladder, who are
self-satisfied and content with the staus quo, “I’m alright Jack,” for
anything to ever happen.
by Tierra Maria Estates Scam - The web? « Tierra Maria Estates Scam, on 04.03.08 @ 1:15 am
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by adanis, on 04.03.08 @ 11:22 am
I think that you really can judge people by the way they comment different stuff. Some people, even expressing negative thoughts, are still polite and they respect and understand other people. Some people are not even trying to be nice, they just don’t care. I think self-confident person will always act nice, no matter what other people do
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